Comments on Anti-Supermom: knowing

Hey I've been reading about this! School is j...

2010-03-08T10:02:11.897-06:00

Hey I've been reading about this! School is just not designed for boys in the first few years....more for girls. They are expected to sit too much and concentrate when they really want to be practicing their ninja skills. Since I have 2 boys now, I'm wondering how to handle this.....

Dude - I am living this right now with my nearly s...

2010-02-23T07:04:05.799-06:00

Dude - I am living this right now with my nearly six year old too. Ugh. I could write for hours on this topic. Just got his report card last week and have been so stressed about it all. Keep us posted, please, and know you're not alone.

p.s. I got the "you should work with him at home too" and it made me cringe b/c I DO IT every single day for at least an hour :( And I'm a teacher, so it made me feel worse.

Ahh, something I have experience with. My mom and ...

2010-02-19T12:15:30.265-06:00

Ahh, something I have experience with. My mom and I went through thia with my brother. Same comments from school staff, same situation, same feeling of 'he's a kid, not a robot drone'. At the age of 13, I became gaurdian after our mother died and chose to homeschool. He did VERY WELL.He had the same attention issues so we had to change the way he was taught. After a year, he decided he wanted to go back to public school and it started all over again. Now he is 16 and was just officially diagnosed as ADD and was put on low dose meds. He is going great now. You are right, your son is 6. Give him some time before you make any decisions. I know you didn't ask for advice but while it feels like the world will cave in on you, he's your son. Don't let the school system bully you and don't be afraid to tell them to piss off.

School teachers tried to tell my mom that my broth...

2010-02-15T14:32:10.294-06:00

School teachers tried to tell my mom that my brother had ADD when he was small. My mom tried the medication thing and he HATED it and asked to be taken off it. In the end he didn't end up having ADD he just had a lack of intrest in school and poor organizational skills. I agree that it is the TEACHERS job not the KIDS. There are a lot of teachers out there that have forgotten this and won't let kids talk or move for 6 hours straight. kids can't do it.
Hang in there, take him to a doctor and have the doctor give you a suggestion. If you go don't mention that someone thinks he has ADD. Let the Dr. give you his unbiased opinion.
Not knowing is the hardest part of being a parent.

I think you bring up a good point in regards to th...

2010-02-15T09:43:23.342-06:00

I think you bring up a good point in regards to the pressure we put on young kids today. It is ridiculous! Whatever happened to just enjoying life a little and not worrying so much about work, competition and being better than everyone else. I don't have children, but I am almost scared to because of the pressure of getting into the best schools, best programs, best this, best that. Then there is all the pressure on the kid. Yikes!
Sending well wishes your way,

April

Oh, my dear, this must be agony for you! I'm ...

2010-02-14T21:09:54.858-06:00

Oh, my dear, this must be agony for you! I'm so sorry! I'm not a parent, but I have so many friends that go through these same questions with their children. I hope you are able to find the answers you're looking for.

Hang in there!

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Oh, I can't imagine. You are right, he's ...

2010-02-12T08:11:04.809-06:00

Oh, I can't imagine. You are right, he's only 6. Maybe you could chat with a pediatrician? Sorry, I can't help you out.

Having said that, I have high school students that do have it and do (and sometimes don't) take medicine. And, it is soooo obvious when they do and when they don't.

Labeling. Oh man labels scare the crap out of me. ...

2010-02-11T22:55:54.023-06:00

Labeling. Oh man labels scare the crap out of me. I do feel like all this labeling is a societal problem. Everyone needs a place, a category, a reason for why they are the way they are.

The only advice I have is listen to you instincts and whatever they tell you, you know what it best for your son.

Stopping by from SITS and wishing you a great day ...

2010-02-11T19:17:58.191-06:00

Stopping by from SITS and wishing you a great day :)

This is really hard. I hope you get some answers s...

2010-02-11T13:37:30.977-06:00

This is really hard. I hope you get some answers soon. My twins are just 4, but sometimes I wonder about Izzy. My BIL has ADD, and I believe that means she may have a genetic predisposition. No one has said anything to me yet, but she's just in preschool, so....time will tell. Good luck and I hope it's just typical boy "stuff."

I'm not qualified to give any advice other tha...

2010-02-11T11:00:00.873-06:00

I'm not qualified to give any advice other than to assure you that you know him better than anyone else on the planet.

I will offer some agreement with you on having our...

2010-02-10T23:19:34.425-06:00

I will offer some agreement with you on having our expectations too high. I can't believe they are giving first graders letter grades at Alan's school!! We are struggling with the decision (that is if we get an input) of repeating first grade because there are actual "D" and "F" letter grades on his report card. We will be praying for the best outcome for Henry.

Wow - what a difficult topic to tackle as a parent...

2010-02-10T15:14:04.134-06:00

Wow - what a difficult topic to tackle as a parent. Keep us updated on how your family handles this.

Hey there- I don't have experience with this s...

2010-02-10T13:34:51.543-06:00

Hey there-
I don't have experience with this stuff, and so I have no advice to offer. I just wanted to say that I empathize with you because one of the key issues here is how society/schools/teachers often seem to jump on these "challenging behaviours" and how it just seems like kids can't be kids anymore. On the other hand, you don't want to ignore it if it indeed could be a problem. Such a crappy place to be.

Thanks for blogging about it, though. It provides you with some relief to get it off your chest, but it also makes other mothers feel like we're not alone with these kinds of issues.

I'm so glad you did blog about it--I've lo...

2010-02-10T12:27:41.534-06:00

I'm so glad you did blog about it--I've loved reading through all the comments. My 5 yr old brings home "not paying attention" notes from school too. He also exhibits tic behavior which is very frustrating to deal with. It is a challenge and I reading the comments gives me comfort in knowing that I'm not alone.

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments, I...

2010-02-10T09:51:56.198-06:00

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments, I've read through each of them several times.

What a great group of people you all are to come and help me talk through this.

It is appreciated, more than I can express.

Obviously I don't know Henry personally so I c...

2010-02-10T08:08:14.965-06:00

Obviously I don't know Henry personally so I can't speak to him specifically but I do know my own brother so I'll work with that.

My mom pulled my brother out of public school in the middle of second grade to homeschool him. He could not sit still for any length of time and she only got him to do school by promising that if he "finished math he could run around the house 3 times". And that's how she schooled him and he did great.

I think you are right that Henry is only 6 and it's fair to say that he behaviors are simply those of a six year old. He might very well have ADD but I hope that you have to opportunity to explore other options first.

No matter what I'm sure you will do what's right for him and this will all be just a memory one day just like it is for my mother and her 28 year old college graduate son.

You are in my thoughts and prayers as I'm sure this isn't easy.

There is no questioning that schools are pushing k...

2010-02-10T07:24:07.179-06:00

There is no questioning that schools are pushing kids to learn more faster, and have the abilities to do more than ever, so you really do have to be careful with a quick diagnosis like this. As a mom I'd feel the same way and just want to make sure I'm doing what is best for my son. As a teacher I am aware that there are signs and while it is over diagnosed, if a student is to be successful this process may be necessary.

I am afraid I may be headed down the same path due to the fact that my husband has ADHD - it certainly is not an easy thing to deal with.

You are so correct in your statement that ADD is o...

2010-02-10T00:30:06.344-06:00

You are so correct in your statement that ADD is over-diagnosed and over-medicated. I feel that our schools want to lump all of our children into one group and if they don't function exactly the way they expect there must be something wrong and we need to fix it.
You may be correct that the problem might be with the school. No 6 year old child is going to tell his teacher that he isn't getting the help or attention that he needs. They say this by acting out. Also the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy; to be a hero, to be a warrior, and to live a life of adventure and risk aren't usually met by sitting at a desk all day.
It is so hard as mothers to feel confident in the choices that we make for our children. Regardless of the choices you make always remember that you made them with love and your child's best interest at heart.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Alot of times ADHD is actually a misdiagnosis. Al...

2010-02-09T22:58:01.561-06:00

Alot of times ADHD is actually a misdiagnosis. Also look into Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Dysfunction. We're in the process of learning about that with our 6 year old son, who was diagnised w/ it this school year. You should also trust your own gut feeling. If you truely don't feel there's anything wrong with him then address it with the teacher. Getting a diagnosis is important, whatever it might be, so you can move forward from here! Good luck!

This struck home with me because we have been wond...

2010-02-09T22:15:33.826-06:00

This struck home with me because we have been wondering the same things about our little guy. I agree that schools especially can be quick to label any kind who doesn't sit still for 8 hours straight and pay perfect attention as having ADD. I finally said to myself...he's a little boy! We can't expect them to be perfectly behaved all the time. I know this is truly real for some kids but I think it's terribly overmedicated and over diagnosed.

Oh, Beth. This is the hardest. In my case with C...

2010-02-09T20:40:20.694-06:00

Oh, Beth. This is the hardest. In my case with Corey, I never had the sorts of problems at home that they were having at school, but there was no denying the problems were real. Even though you might feel like you're being forced into a tunnel right now, there are a LOT of paths ahead for you to choose. Some of them you'll only recognize in hindsight (see, it's not just our parents who didn't get it all immediately).

The thing is to check into all of your options. I, honestly, ended up being too willingly coerced into medicating my son. As time has gone on, he has needed higher doses and more types of medications. I believe once you medicate, that becomes a primary focus ("is the medication working? does he need more? something different? something to help this one work better?).

There are other options, such as homeschooling (because some kids really just need more attention than they're going to get in a large group setting) and bio-feedback (brain training that is supposed to be most effective *before* long-term medication has been utilized). There's also just plain sticking to your guns and helping him work through it with the school (the hardest one, because the labels don't come from you... and the people who want to apply them have a hard time seeing anything else). And sometimes, finding a new teacher is the way to go. It's not one I was willing to do because I figured that we deal with all types throughout life and Corey was going to have to learn sometime... which sounds kind of heartless now, but that's not how I meant it. If I could redo everything, there are three things I'd change: 1) Delay kindergarten; 2) Don't medicate so easily; and 3) Get him away from the people who couldn't see any good in my boy.

The thing is, for all of us who've been there, every situation is different. The good news is that there are multiple "right" answers. I know you and your husband will find something that works for Henry.

Sorry this has turned into a mini-book. I'm here if you want to chat or bounce ideas off me. Email is Signshan at aol.

Hang in there and know you're not alone.

I think my parents went through the same thing w/m...

2010-02-09T20:18:02.079-06:00

I think my parents went through the same thing w/my sister, and it wasn't until she was an adult that she got medication for it on her own. And it helped. She and my mom always wonder 'what if' but she knows my mom did the best she could with what she knew at the time. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry. These moments of wondering and ana...

2010-02-09T20:02:07.198-06:00

I am so sorry. These moments of wondering and analyzing and then trying not to do either of those things are so hard. You are being a great mother. Keep being his advocate, just like you have been. You will all figure this out.